


Terrible things

by meganetrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cheesy, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Implied Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Letters, M/M, Post-Canon, Songfic, Terminal Illnesses, roadtrip kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 17:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5975619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganetrash/pseuds/meganetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>„What kind of adventure, Tooru?“ Iwaizumi asked, looking at Oikawa fondly. „I don’t know, let’s just drive somewhere quiet and spend the whole day there. Just you and me!“ Tooru looked like a child on Christmas morning, and Hajime could never say no to those sparkling eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm always a slut for suffering :)  
> inspired by "terrible things" by mayday parade

1.  
„Let’s go on an adventure, Iwa-chan!“ Tooru suggested one day while he and Hajime were cuddling on his bed.

It was so like Oikawa to say such things. He could never sit in one place for too long, so when high school ended, they had no volleyball games to play anymore and Oikawa had way too much time and energy on his hands. 

Iwaizumi confessed to him almost two months ago, on their last day of high school, and since then they’ve spent every wake moment together. He knew it was a mistake to wait that long, but whenever he wanted to tell him, he got tounge-tied and decided to abort mission. Going to different colleges in different cities was going to big a great obstacle, but they knew they could get through it together.   
Long-distance relationship wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Once they graduated and saved up enough money, they will move in together make up for the time they’d spend apart, that was the plan. Iwaizumi honestly couldn’t wait for that moment to come, but until then, he’ll have to settle for phone calls, text, Skype and visiting each other during breaks and holidays. Which was one more reason to make the best of the summer ahead of them.

„What kind of adventure, Tooru?“ Iwaizumi asked, looking at Oikawa fondly. „I don’t know, let’s just drive somewhere quiet and spend the whole day there. Just you and me!“ Tooru looked like a child on Christmas morning, and Hajime could never say no to those sparkling eyes. They were both eighteen and had their driver’s licenses, and Iwaizumi’s parents had bought him a fairly nice car as a graduation present. 

„Sure, why not“ he caved in to Oikawa, just like he always does „Where do you want to go?“ „Somewhere where we can see the stars“ Tooru replied. „Okay, that won’t be a problem. We’ll figure something out“ Hajime told him, before the taller boy hugged his muscular arm and snuggled closer to him.  
„We’re going tomorrow morning“ Oikawa announced. „Hey, that’s a little sudden, don’t you think? I’ll have to tell my mom and see if I have enough money, and besides, we don’t even know where we’re going...“ Iwaizumi began, only to have Tooru put his slender finger against his mouth. „Shhh, Iwa-chan, why are you always such a mom?“ the brunet teased him „Just go with the flow“  
***  
Iwaizumi heard someone knock on his front door around noon, just as he was drinking his first coffee. „Hurry up, Iwa-chan! We have to get going!“ Oikawa insisted in a high-pitched and childish voice. „Fine, fine, come in so we can make some more coffee and sandwitches before we go“ Iwaizumi rubbed his sleepy eyes. 

He got used to going to bed around 3 am and then over-sleeping the next morning, and he couldn’t function before his first cup of coffee. College enterance exams may or may not have turned him into a caffeine addict. His boyfriend handed him his favorite giant thermos and took out everything that could possibly be put on bread out of his fridge. „Okay, I’m gonna go brush my teeth and change while you make sandwitches“ Iwaizumi announced and ran back into his room, leaving a pouting Oikawa in the kitchen.  
The black-haired boy took out a short-sleeved blue button-down shirt and a pair of denim shorts. He quickly laced his white Converse shoes and took the backpack he packed last night. Oh, there was his guitar case too. Iwaizumi took guitar lessons since he was seven up until his last year of high school, and Oikawa swooned every time he played. He learned all of Tooru’s favorite songs by heart and couldn’t wait to impress him. 

„Are you done there?“ he asked Oikawa once he returned to the kitchen. „Yes, Iwa-chan, your coffee’s ready too, I think we’re good to go!“ Oikawa told him cheerfully. „Good, let’s go then“ he grabbed Tooru’s hand and made sure they had everything one last time. 

The hot July sun was already shining bright, much to Iwaizumi’s dislike. Oikawa, on the other hand, enjoyed sunny days a lot, and took a deep breath as to breathe in the summer as soon as they exited the house. „It’s a beautiful day, don’t you think, Iwa-chan?“ he smiled to the boy next to him, who still looked sleepy. As much as Iwaizumi hated high temperatures, summer was great because the sun warmed up Tooru’s skin and left tiny freckless all over it. He found them endearing, although Oikawa often tried to hide them.   
Iwaizumi got out the keys to his car and placed their backpacks in the trunk, leaving only the food on the back seat. „We have to drop by the gas station and get something to drink too“ the shorter boy noted, as Oikawa turned on the radio. He went over the stations until he finally found a song he liked and started humming to it. Oikawa was an awful singer, but he loved singing way too loud and Iwaizumi never stopped him. 

„Damn, Iwa-chan, you look so cool like that, driving your own car, so focused on the road in front of you, I always feel so safe with my knight by my side!“ the brunet giggled. His lips curled into a satisfied smirk as his boyfriend’s cheeks changed various shades of red. „It’s way too early for you to be this sappy“ was the only thing Iwaizumi could say to that. He should’ve gotten used to Tooru’s embarassing comments by now, but somehow he always managed to catch him off guard.   
***  
„Iwa-chan, we must buy some ice cream!“ Oikawa whined. „We already bought four cans of soda, two bags of chips, and a shit ton of milk bread, and now you want ice cream too? You’re gonna get fat, Tooru“ Iwaizumi teased him. „Take that back, meanie Iwa-chan! I’ll never get fat!“ Tooru protested, hitting Hajime’s right arm lightly. „Yes, your thighs are already getting a little chubby, you know“ he continued teasing. „Liar! My thighs are just as toned and beautiful as the rest of my god-like body!“ Tooru insisted „And I’m buying ice cream“. Of course he did. 

They went out of the store with heavy bags in their hands („Hold mine too, Iwa-chan, I’m too delicate for this kind of stuff“) and Oikawa took a popsicle and a can of soda immediately. They were back in Iwaizumi’s Jeep, Tooru hurried to turn the radio back on, while the other boy sighed in defeat. Oikawa wasn’t picky about music, he liked pop music and loved annoying Iwaizumi by singing the most overrated popular songs at the moment. The real horror began when he discovered foreign music. The mix between his terrible singing voice and even worse English probably damaged Iwaizumi’s hearing permanently.

At that moment, Tooru put his heart and soul into singing Taylor Swift, and Hajime took his eyes off the road for a few seconds just to glance at him. He couldn’t help but smile and think about how much he loved that idiot. „Where are you taking me, Iwa-chan?“ Oikawa asked once his song was over. „It’s a surprise“ Iwaizumi said with a playful grin, knowing that he riled up his boyfriend by being mysterious. 

He was driving toward a beautiful picnic spot his parents took him to once when he was little. His mom gave him the directions yesterday and they should be there in half an hour at most. „Come on, Iwa-chan, you can’t keep secrets from your boyfriend!“ Oikawa protested. „You’re going to like it. It was the place where my dad supposedly proposed to my mom“ he explained. „Oh, Iwa-chan, I always knew you were romantic somewhere deep down!“ Tooru exclaimed and planted a quick kiss on Hajime’s cheek.   
***  
„We’re here, Tooru“ Iwaizumi gently shook his shoulder. Oikawa had been completely silent for the past thirty minutes, almost as if he was falling asleep, but as soon as he heard Hajime’s voice, he came back to his normal, cheerful self. 

Iwaizumi parked his car in the middle of nowhere, earning puzzled looks from his boyfriend. „We’ll have to walk a little further, since this is where the road ends“ Iwaizumi told him. They were standing in front of a dark forest and Oikawa’s curiosity grew by the second.

„We have to walk?“ he complained „And with all this stuff in our hands?“ Iwaizumi furrowed his brows as he took two bags full of food and drinks from the car. „C’mon, Trashykawa, at least take one bag“ he tried to push the backpack into his boyfriend’s hands. „No, Iwa-chan, for God’s sake, you’re supposed to be a gentleman!“ Oikawa scolded him. 

After wasting some time bickering, Oikawa ended up carrying Hajime’s guitar on his back, while the other boy took everything else. They went up the hill in silence, following a narrow road through the forest. „How much longer, Iwa-chan?“ Oikawa asked, breathing heavily. „We’re almost there, hang on“.

Just as Hajime said those words, his best friend stumbled and fell to the ground. He dropped the bags he was carrying and ran towards the brunet. „Hey, Oikawa, are you okay?“ he couldn’t hide the worry in his voice. „I’m fine, Iwa-chan“ Tooru breathed out. His eyelids were heavy, like he was struggling to stay awake.

Hajime reached out for his hand and brought him up from the ground. „Jump on my back, I’ll carry you“ he offered quietly. Oikawa wrapped his legs around Iwaizumi’s waist and the other boy held them, just to be safe. „I knew Iwa-chan was my knight in shining armor“ Tooru giggled, nuzzling his cheek against Hajime’s.

„Alright, we made it“ Iwaizumi announced a few minutes later. He put the bags he was carrying down gently, and then Oikawa too. They stood on a huge empty field. The nature was untouched, tiny wild flowers looked like sprinkles on short light green grass. There was something so relieving in the silence that surrounded them and the fact that they were completely alone. 

„Iwa-chan, it’s beautiful“ Tooru exhaled, scanning the simple and vast landscape in front of him. Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck in embarassment. Oikawa looked geniunely happy and impressed, smiling wider than Iwaizumi had ever seen him smile before. Tooru suddenly ran over to Hajime and wrapped his hands around his neck. They both fell down on the grass, the brunet on top of his boyfriend, still refusing to let go of him. Hajime took the chance to steal a kiss, and another, and another...

„Get off of me Shittykawa, we have to lay the blanket and get the food out“ he said as he got up from the grass. Neither of them had noticed that it was already two in the afternoon. Iwaizumi spread an old red blanket over the grass and put down the food and refreshments. „Oh, we’re having a picnic! It’s just like in the movies!“ Oikawa noticed excitedly, sitting down on the blanket. He grabbed another bun of milk bread as soon as he got the chance, followed by Iwaizumi’s disapproving look. „Please, Iwa-chan, just one more and I’m done for today!“ he promised. 

„You’ve already had three in the car!“

„But I didn’t have breakfast, so it doesn’t count“

„What do you mean you had no breakfast?! That’s the most important meal, you can’t skip it, Shittykawa!“ 

Oikawa just laughed and took a bite out of his fourth milk bread. „What will you do, Iwa-chan? Ground me?“ he said in a provocative tone. „I have a better idea“ the former ace whispered, before he came closer to Oikawa. „Mmm, Iwa-chan’s going to punish me!“ he giggled. „You wish“ was the last thing Iwaizumi said before attacking Oikawa by tickling him. It was one advantage he had over Tooru- he was extremely ticklish all over his body and once Iwaizumi discovered that, he had a perfect weapon against him.  
„Stop, Iwa-chan, stop it, I surrender, I won’t touch any more milk bread today“ Oikawa panted, struggling to return his breath to normal after laughing so hard. His abs hurt but seeing the sincere smile on Iwaizumi’s face was priceless. „Good boy“ Hajime whispered before kissing Tooru’s forehead. 

Of course, Tooru wasn’t going to let him go with just one kiss. He cupped Iwaizumi’s cheeks and clashed their lips together. Hajime ran his fingers through Oikawa’s dark brown locks, enchanted by their softness and the warm scent of cinammon. The tip of Oikawa’s tounge slowly went over Iwaizumi’s bottom lip, then went deeper, causing the raven-haired boy to moan into the other’s mouth. As soon as he did that, Oikawa broke the kiss. „What’s wrong?“ Hajime was quite dissappointed by the sudden pause. „I... I couldn’t breathe anymore“ Oikawa muttered.

„Are you hiding something from me, Trashykawa?“ Iwaizumi used the piercing stare he knew always drew the truth out of Oikawa. „No, just a little out of shape. It’s probably because of all the milk bread. And because I skipped breakfast“ he grinned sheepishly. „True. But you better get some strenght, because I have some plans for tonight that are a lot more intense than kissing“ Hajime winked at him. „Oh my, Iwa-chan!“ Oikawa’s voice suddenly got low and sexy „You have no idea how hot you are right now“ The make-out session was resumed.  
2.  
He let out a long sigh and glanced at the boy he has been in love since he was thirteen, his first love. Hajime remembered how it all began, how he finally crossed the fine line that separated best friends from lovers. They met when they were six, he still remembered the shy kid who hid behind his mom’s skirt and had colorful band-aids on his knees. That kid was now (finally) his boyfriend, and they started off by catching bugs and pushing each other in muddy puddles. 

„Iwa-chan?“ a soft, sleepy voice called from below him. Oikawa was slowly waking up, after the three-hour long nap. Ever since he was five, Tooru liked to take naps. After playing outside the whole day, he would just colapse on his bed and fall asleep before he even had dinner.   
When junior high came around and he decided to become a professional volleyball player, he had more trouble falling asleep at night, and the same thing was troubling him all through high school. Going to bed around 4 am resulted in him falling asleep in class, but when it came to volleyball practice, his energy was restored like nothing had happened.  
„I love you, Iwa-chan“ Tooru whispered, his eyelashes still fluttering, struggling to stay awake. It was the first time Hajime heard those words directed to him, and it came as quite a shock. „I love you too“ his shaking voice was muffled by the other boy’s fluffy hair. Why was he crying? It was only natural, they were dating, they knew each other for almost 12 years, they were best friends. Why would he even doubt that Oikawa loved him as much as he loved him? 

Tooru thought listening to Iwaizumi’s heartbeat and being in his arms was the most calming thing in the world. Hajime knew just when he needed to be alone, when he needed a hug, or when he needed to be punched. Over the years, he learned how to ready every mood on the setter’s face, in his eyes, in his voice, even in his silence. Oikawa tried to hide from him when he wasn’t sleeping or eating, but Hajime caught on to every little detail.

„Oh, the sun’s going down!“ Oikawa pointed at the horizon „Now we’ll finally be able to see the stars, Iwa-chan!“ He was now fully awake, patiently waiting for the sunset. It reminded him of when they were little. He and Hajime would play outside and suddenly notice that the sky was getting darker, running back home for dinner. It was the saddest part of the day, having to say goodbye to Iwa-chan, but the „see you tomorrow“ that always followed put a smile back on his face. Iwaizumi would place his new bug in a jar on his desk, and Oikawa would stare at the fluorescent sticker stars on his ceiling until he fell asleep. 

While Tooru was observing the orange sky as it faded to black, Hajime took out his guitar, trying to remember the last song he learned. Oikawa gasped and started smirking. „Iwa-chan, are you going to serenade me?“ he teased. „Of course not, idiot! I just want to practice this new song I’ve been trying to master“ he silently thanked the night for hiding the blush on his cheeks. Oikawa pouted, but he was still eager to hear Iwaizumi playing. 

He watched as Hajime’s fingers stroked the wires, while his face was fully concentrated. They both closed their eyes and enjoyed the music, and Tooru was rocking his head left and right. It was a sad song, one of his favourites. Warm tears filled up his eyes and he tried his best to hide it from Hajime. He wiped them away swiftly while the other boy’s eyes were still closed, but they kept coming and a sob finally escaped his mouth. 

„Tooru, what’s wrong?“ Iwaizumi dropped the guitar abruptly and came closer to Tooru. Oikawa was hugging his knees in order to hide his face, but he cried so hard that it was suffocating him. „Tooru, look at me! Look at me!“ his boyfriend yelled, now clearly panicking. He shook Oikawa’s shoulders until the taller boy finally opened up his arms and started clinging to the fabric on his back like it was the key to his survival.

„I’m so sorry, Hajime, I’m so sorry“ he kept repeating those words until they were both crying. But when Iwaizumi asked for an explanation, Tooru just started crying harder. His screams ripped Hajime’s heart apart. The feeling of a weak, trembling body leaning on him and tears dampening his shirt hurt him physically. „I’m sorry, Iwa-chan, I can’t believe this is happening, I’d give everything to change it, to have more time with you“ he whimpered into Iwaizumi’s shoulder. „Tell me what it is!“ Hajime finally yelled, not being able to take it any more.

„I’m sick, Iwa-chan“ Tooru whispered „I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I didn’t want to hurt you“. Tears were rolling down his cheeks rapidly as he pulled away from Hajime. „What do you mean you’re sick?“ Iwaizumi was left dumbfounded. „There’s nothing they can do. It’s... it’s all my fault. I have two weeks left“ he barely spoke out the words without choking on them. 

After a period of a painful silence, Hajime screamed. It was the only thing he could do at that point. He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. The light of his life was about to go out. This wasn’t supposed to happen, not to Tooru, his Tooru. It was all his fault. If only he took better care of him, made sure he went to sleep in time, got him to eat properly, banned him from training more than necessary... This wouldn’t have happened.

„Hajime... Please, don’t be mad at me, I love you so much“ Tooru begged. Iwaizumi was silent, his face was red and tears kept falling from his eyes, but his expression was blank. „This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening...“ he chanted quietly. Both of their worlds were shattered, but for Hajime, it was more permanent.   
„I’ll never go to college, Hajime. I won’t play for the national team. I won’t be able to get married to you and raise kids with you and grow old with you. There’s nothing that I want more than that. I want to live... I want to live!“ his voice broke down in the middle of the sentence and the pain in his chest was unbearable „But once I found out, my first thought was that I wanted to spend all the time I have left with you. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me, Hajime“

It was too much. He can’t just do this to him, can he? He can’t just walk into his life and show him what happiness means, and then leave. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be him? He never did anything to deserve something like this. He had a bright future, a talent, a dream, and he had a person who loved him more than anything in the world.

Thoughts raced in Hajime’s mind, each one worse than the last. What was he supposed to do without Tooru, how was he supposed to survive? Tooru was his soulmate, and he knew it from the start. They had a plan, and Hajime’s future without Tooru in it was just a dark blur worse than death. This isn’t how it was supposed to end.


	2. Epilogue

_„Dear Tooru,_

_Today is the 10th anniversary of your death, but I remember like it was yesterday that we were just 18, messing around without a care in the world. I wish I could go back to that time. It’s silly that I’m writing this, since you’ll never read it, but it makes me feel like I’m talking to you, and I really miss that. Besides, my mother said it would bring some closure._

_For the longest time I wasn’t even able to say your name. I hid everything that reminded me of you, our pictures, your volleyball jersey, everything, because I started crying every time I thought of you. It took me more than a year to get myself together at least a little bit, to start eating, sleeping and talking normally. I didn’t even have the strenght to leave my bed and get dressed. I know it’s gross. So I put a pause on college, started going a year later, and I quit volleyball and the guitar altogether._

_I graduated in the end and became a doctor, now I have a stable job and a good paycheck too, so you could say I’m doing fine. I still live in Miyagi, in a big house not that far away from my parents. I sometimes hear from our old teammates, they’re all doing fine too. I was actually asked to be the best man at Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s wedding this June._

_There’s one thing I’d like to tell you. I adopted a little girl almost three years ago and I’m now a single father. I don’t think I’d be alive right now if it wasn’t for her. Her name is Tora, because she’s my fearless little tiger, but also because it sounds similar to Tooru. So, since you couldn’t become Iwaizumi Tooru, she took your place as the sunshine of my life. You’re still my moon and all my stars, though. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I’d give everything just to hug you once again. I went from years of taking you for granted to years of constantly missing you and I don’t think I can do this anymore. Forever yours, Hajime._

**Author's Note:**

> it was really rushed in the end and i'm sorry (again)   
> thank you so much for reading and comments are always appreciated <3


End file.
